


Why are you like this?

by Cassandra_Strom



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Smallville, Super Sons (Comics), Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Batfamily (DCU), Connor Kent is confused, Crossover, Damian Wayne is Robin, Damian Wayne is a Brat, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, F/M, Other, Superboy is done with these Bats, Superfamily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:53:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27236068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassandra_Strom/pseuds/Cassandra_Strom
Summary: If you're in the capes and tights business its likely you've lost someone, so what do you do? You name one of your kids after the person you've lost.If you're in the Bat or Super family what do you look like? You most likely have dark hair and blue eyes.If you're investigating a secret lab what do you do? You don't touch anything.What do you get when you put these all together? A big mess.
Relationships: Clark Kent & Lex Luthor, Clark Kent/Lois Lane, Connor Kent & Jon Kent, Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne
Comments: 5
Kudos: 96





	Why are you like this?

Normally, Dick’s bad days did not start with a phone call. Usually, it started with one of Gotham’s baddies landing a lucky hit, but today it was a phone call. He was eating lunch with Connor and they were catching up when his phone rang. When Dick saw the caller ID he blinked, it was someone who didn’t normally called him.

“Hey Lois, what’s going on?”

“Do you know where Damian is?” She asked, wasting no time, “I grounded Jon, but he snuck out because he wanted to do something about a LexCorp lab that was hurting animals out here in Smallville. This is out of character for him.”

Dick dragged his hand down his face and groaned, “But not if he called Damian to help. Okay, I get your point, but I don’t know where he is. Look, I can Zeta over there and give them some back up, but it is unlikely I can make them turn around.”

“I understand.” Lois huffed, “This is what I get for letting his dad teach him about how he should do everything in his power to help people.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you when I drop Jon off at your house.” Dick hung up then looked at Connor, “I’m assuming you heard all of that.”

Connor smirked, “Yeah, I’m glad I’m not a mom to a young assassin.”

Dick didn’t even have any energy to try and refute the comment again.

“Funny. So do you want to help? You know how much Jon likes you.”

“Sure,” Connor agreed, shrugging, “I never need a reason to mess with Luthor.”

“That’s the spirit.” Dick smiled at Connor while he threw a wad of cash on the table and stood up, “Let’s go get our brothers.”

“Wait a second, Jon isn’t my brother—”

“Please everyone knows you would die for him and if you really want to play that game then he’ s your son.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Connor and Dick looked at the mess of unconscious people, destroyed lab doors ripped from their hinges, bullets, and katana marks. The two boys exchanged looks.

“Looks like we found them,” Dick said wryly.

Connor grunted in agreement.

Dick pulled up his wrist computer and brought up a map of the lab and gestured down the hall, “They’re down this way.”

“I could have guessed that, but why did you have to check your holo computer?”

“Because we have a tracker on Damian.” 

Connor blinked, “I want to say that I’m surprised, but I’m really not.”

As they walked deeper into the lab, Dick began to notice more and more equipment that were in now way meant to test on living beings. They looked more like the skeletons of interdimensional travel machines that he had seen in Central City. Dick internally sighed, he had a bad feeling about this. Dick checked the tracker again, they were getting closed. As they approached the red dot that was Damian, Dick could hear Jon and Damian arguing.

“I could just punch my way through the safe.”

“Do not be an imbecile, Kent. We do not need what is in there. All that we need on the computer.”

Dick and Connor entered the room silently, so Damian and Jon didn’t notice them at first.

Dick cleared his throat causing Jon to jump out of his skin and Damian to whirl around with his katana, “What do you two think you’re doing?”

Jon lowered his head, looking guilty, but Damian narrowed his eyes at Dick, “We were investigating LexCorp’s illegal business, Grayson. I told Pennyworth where I was going.”

“No you didn’t.” Dick dismissed, “You shouldn’t have gone on a mission without telling someone first and you shouldn’t have taken Superkid without telling his mom, she’s worried sick.”

“Tt,” Domain scoffed, “At least my Kryptonian is older than yours.”

Dick’s eyebrows raised as Connor protested, “That’s not true, I’m eighteen!”

“That’s not the point. You guys saved the animals now we have to go before Lois kills us.” Dick ordered, “And don’t touch anything we have no idea what they were doing back here.”

“You mean like this?” Jon asked, holding up a device that was glowing, “We were trying to find out what it was when you guys came in because it started glowing when I picked it up.”

Dick’s eyes widened as the device started beeping, “Get rid of it!”

Jon looked panicked as he threw the device behind him and all four boys ran for the door, but there was a flash of light and a large boom and all of them were knocked unconscious. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Dick woke up with a sharp pain in his head. He looked around for Connor, Jon, and Damian. He was at the edge of a field, he could see a farmhouse to his right, cows on his left and Jon lying face down behind him. Dick rushed over in a panic, despite the fact that Jon was half-Kryptonian he could still get hurt very badly. 

“Hey, Jon, Jon, Jon are you okay?” Dick asked, rolling Jon over and lightly shaking him.

Relief flooded Dick when Jon groaned, sat up and looked around.

“Where are we?” Jon asked.

“I’m going to say whatever you touched was either a teleportation device or interdimensional travel thing.” Dick informed him, while pulling him to his feet, “We need to find Robin and Superboy, but it would probably be best if we ditch the uniforms.”

Jon looked down at his shirt and cape, “How do I do that? It’s not like I carry an extra shirt with me.”

“Turn you shirt inside out and tuck you cape into your pants,” Dick suggested while he tapped a part of his suit and the colors shifted to mimic jeans and a shirt and stuffed his mask into his utility belt.

Jon blinked then did what Dick told him to, “How did you know that works?”

“I’ve been doing this for twenty-one years, Jon. I know a thing or two.” Dick said, casting another glance around, “We need to find out where we are, so stay close to me.”

“Wait, is that my house?” Jon asked, staring at the farmhouse, “I think it is!”

Jon took off at almost human speed toward the house.

“Jon! Wait! I just said we need to stay together!” Dick chased after him, “JONATHAN KENT GET BACK HERE!! JONATHAN! YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!”

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Jonathan Kent was having a normal day and he was very relieved. A normal day was something he didn’t often come across after the meteor shower had hit Smallville. However, he would never trade Clark for anything, he did wish he could have more peaceful days with his wife like this. The tranquility was ruined when he heard a male voice yelling his name.

“JONATHAN KENT GET BACK HERE!! JONATHAN! YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!”

Jonathan frowned at Martha, “Am I in trouble? Why would someone be yelling at me?”

Martha shrugged, “You know odd things go on in this town. Let’s just hope it’s not another meteor mutant.”

“Yes, I hope—”

His words were cut off when a small child that looked extremely familiar burst through the screen door screaming, “Mom! I’m home! I’m sorry I didn’t mean—”

He stopped abruptly when he saw Martha and Jonathan. The boy blinked in confusion and looked around the room.

“This isn’t my house.” The boy cast another furtive glance around the room.

“JONATHAN, I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS, KENT!” A young man burst through the door panting, “I just told you we need to stay together.”

“I’m sorry do I know you?” Jonathan asked while the little black haired kid scurried to hide behind the young man.

“Uh, not that I know.” The young man said shaking his head, “I’m terribly sorry to burst in here like this, but we were taking a walk and got a bit turned around and Jon here thought he recognized his house.”

“Wait,” Martha asked, “Your name is Jonathan Kent too?”

The little boy nodded shyly, while the young man looked like he was regretting his life choices.

“Wait, your name is Jonathan Kent?” He asked pointing at Jonathan, then he turned and gestured to Martha, “You wouldn’t happen to be Martha Kent?”

Martha blinked, “Why yes, I am. How did you—?”

Jon, seeming to pick up on the young man’s line of thinking, piped up from behind the man’s legs, “Do you have a son named Clark? Is this Smallville?”

“Yes to both questions.” Jonathan answered, getting more suspicious, but not feeling threatened, “How did you know that?”

The young man was pinching the bridge of his nose in what the older Kents assumed was exasperation, “Okay, I will answer what questions I can, but first this is crucial. What year is it? And how old is Clark?”

“It’s 2003 and Clark is sixteen.” Martha answered, confusing mounting.

The young man sagged in relief and muttered, “Oh thank God.”

Jon frowned, “Wait, Dick, that’s not right. Dad should be about twenty now, right?”

“DAD?!”

Both older Kents exclaimed in shock.

The young man, apparently named Dick, held out his hands placatingly, “Okay, that probably wasn’t the best way to start this off,” At this he glared at Jon, “This is going to sound absolutely insane, but I will do my best to explain. But we should probably do this quickly because we have to find our brothers. God knows what they're up to right now.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Connor grunted as he peeled his eyes open. He was in a lavishly furnished room that reminded him of Wayne Manor, but definitely not in Gotham, it was too sunny. Connor looked around carefully for anyone else in the room and spotted Damian immediately. Damian was unconscious and if Connor did not have impenetrable skin, he would have thought twice about waking the Demon Spawn up because he was known to bite. But since Damian probably wouldn’t reach for the Kryptonite first, Connor figured he was relatively safe.

“Robin,” He said lightly jabbing Damian in the arm, “Are you awake?”

Damian’s eyes snapped open and he flipped into a fighting position, “Of course I’m awake, Kent. I was just testing to see if you were awake.”

Connor rolled his eyes, Dick had complained to the original Team members when he was Batman enough times to know that Damian was hiding his uneasiness. It was annoying, but Connor was willing to overlook it until they found Jon and Dick. 

“Do you know where we are?” He asked Damian who pulled out his holocomputer.

His face twisted to a frown, “Tt, whatever that blast was it knocked out my computer. Even my trackers on Grayson and Kent are not responding.”

Connor facepalmed.

“Do not worry your little head, Kent. These trackers were not linked up to their heartbeats. I’ve been working on how to get those attached without them noticing.” Damian informed Connor, while messing with his holocomputer.

Connor looked at the ceiling and asked for patience for dealing with paranoid Bats. Then he heard footsteps and a voice coming toward the room. 

“We need to hide.” Connor hissed.

Damian looked up at him on alert, “You will not be able to hide as well as I can and breaking the window will create too much noise. You will hold them still while I attack from behind then interrogate them.”

“But we don’t—” Connor protested, but stopped when he noticed that Damian had melted into the shadows, “Damn it. I hate when they do that.”

Connor got behind the door and waited for it to open. The door was flung open and it would have smashed Connor in the face if he hadn’t caught it. The man was bald, so it was a bit hard to judge his age, but he was probably about as old as Dick, and he was yelling into his phone.

“I don’t care what you have to say Dad. I’m not coming back to Metropolis to help you run LuthorCorp. I’m doing just fine running the plant here in Smallville. So see you next Christmas.” The sat down at his desk and 

Connor was confused. This man looked a hell of a lot like Lex Luthor, but he was too young. However, that did not stop Damian from jumping from the rafters, landing on the desk, and shoving a sword in his face. 

The man jumped out of his skin, “What the fuck!”

“Do not move Luthor. Where are we and what was that machine you had in the lab where you were torturing those animals?” Damian snarled.

“I have no idea what you talking about,” The man said raising his hands placatingly, “But I have money if that’s what it takes for you to not skewer me.” 

“Tt. I cannot be bought, Luthor. Tell me what the machine was.” Damian's sword was inching towards Luthor’s neck.

“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about!” Luthor exclaimed, trying to put as much distance between him and the katana as he could.

Connor decided he had had enough, “Robin! That’s not the right Lex Luthor. He’s too young.”

Luthor’s mouth fell open as he caught sight of Connor, but was talked over by Damian.

“That means it was time travel and we can kill him now and prevent all of those animals deaths.” Damian said leveling his sword again.

Connor ripped the katana out of Damian’s hand and crumpled it like it was made of paper and ignored Luthor's startled gasp, “If we kill him now, I might not exist.”

Damian titled his head, “I fail to see the downside of this.”

Connor sighed he should have known that that would not persuade Damian, “If you actually kill him Nightwing and Superkid will be upset.”

That made Damian pause in reaching for what Connor was sure were more weapons. With the lull in conversation Luthor spoke up.

“Clark what the hell is going on?”

Connor turned and frowned at Luthor, “Who the fuck is Clark?”

Damian sniffed, “It’s no wonder he found out Superman’s identity, it’s not as if he wears a mask.”

The pieces snapped into place inside Connor's head, “Ah, right.”

“This is all very funny Clark, but if you could get the tiny crazy person off of me right now, that would be great.”

Connor eyed Luthor, “I’m not Clark, and I can’t make Robin do anything he doesn’t want to.”

Damian grinned insanely, pulled out a knife from God knows where, and brandished it again at Luthor. Connor put out his hand half-heartedly to try to get Damian to stop again, but the door was flung open another time, this time by a teenager.

“Hey, Lex I was—”

He stopped in his tracks, eyes going from Damian with a knife at Luthor’s throat then his face paled when he set eyes on Connor.

“What in the world is going on here?”

“I don’t know.” Luthor answered from where he was, “But I thought you had lost your mind, Clark. Did you know you have an evil twin? I’m guessing from your reaction you didn’t.”

“Tt, that is faulty logic. By all technicalities, both of you are the fathers of Superboy.” Damian announced, causing Clark and Luthor to choke on their own spit and Connor to put his face in his hands and wish for death.

“Why are you like this?” Connor asked Damian.

“Because I was raised by Thalia al Ghul and Batman.”

Connor considered that, “Fair enough.”

“What the hell is going on?!” Luthor yelled.

“Oh shut up.” Damian ordered Luthor and slammed the hilt of his knife into Luthor’s temple, causing Luthor's eyes to roll up into his head to hit the desk.

Clark sped over far too fast for the human eye to track, grabbed Damian and flung him away from Luthor. Damian somersaulted in midair, landing from the throw neatly in a move that Connor is certain that he stole from Dick. Connor turned to Damian.

“What did you do?” Connor asked, not particularly concerned.

“He is simply unconscious, Kent.” Damian rolled his eyes, and Connor could only tell because he had been around people in masks his entire life, “I did not think you would worry so much about Lex Luthor.”

“I don’t.”

“Well, I do!” Clark burst out after he had checked on Luthor, “What is wrong with you people? You can’t just threaten people you don’t know with a knife! He’s my friend!”

Damian’s eyebrows were creeping into his hairline and for once, Connor agreed with him. 

“Listen to me Kent.” Damian said prowling toward Clark, being as intimidating as a five foot, ten-year-old could be to someone who did not know that he was a trained assassin, “I do not care that he is your friend or that you are Kryptonian. If you get in my way I will break out the kryptonite, if Superboy does not take care of you first.” 

Connor sighed, he was going to have to fight Clark if he didn’t want Damian to take out his kryptonite that he no doubt had on him. Connor really hated the effects of kryptonite.

Clark was now looking very confused, “What’s a Kryptonian?”

“Tt. You are an imbecile, Kent, more so than usual.” Damian dismissed Clark, “Superboy we are leaving now.”

Clark ran in front of the door, “I can’t let you leave. You hurt Lex.”

Damian threw the first punch, but didn’t actually let it connect with Clark because he knew that would end up with broken bones. Clark punched out towards Damian, but Connor caught his fist with ease and put Clark in a head lock. 

“If I don’t do this, he will bring out the kryptonite, and it’s going to hurt us both. I’m doing you a favor.” Connor informed as Clark struggled in his grip.

“We will leave and you cannot stop us.” Damian said as he brought out inhibitor cuffs.

Before Damian could get them around Clark’s wrists, Clark managed to throw Connor off him and across the room. Connor dealt with this situation much less gracefully than Damian had and crashed into the wall. As Connor shook his hair out of his face, he saw Clark and Damian gearing up for a fight. Connor, not entirely let go of his teenage, technically toddler, bitterness, and was itching to punch Clark in the face, but the door burst open, revealing Jon flying into the room, carrying Dick in his arms.

Clark’s mouth dropped open and he sputtered at the hovering child who was a dead ringer for him, carrying a grown man. Connor wondered how in the hell the two of them had found the time to change into civies. Dick flipped out of Jon’s arms and landed lightly on his toes. He surveyed the area, Damian and Clark standing within fighting distance, a crumpled katana on the floor, and a younger Lex Luthor unconscious at his desk. Dick dragged a hand down his face.

“I’m not even going to worry about what happened here. Damian, make it look like Luthor hit his head on something. That way you,” At this Dick gestured at Clark, “Can claim this entire scenario was a head injury induced hallucination and the secret that you’re an alien can stay secret.”

“Grayson, it took you long enough to find us. Where are we?” Damian demanded as he crossed the room and began to arrange Luthor’s body to make it seem plausible that he hit his head on accident.

Clark looked like he wanted to protest, but he was still distracted by Jon, who had just now landed.

“Thankfully, we traveled through dimensions not time, so we don’t have to worry about a paradox or changed timeline.” Dick informed them and Connor felt immense relief, “And I also have a way to build an interdimensional travel machine thanks to Barry. The last time I got stuck in an alternate dimension with him, B was so angry, so Barry made sure that I could always get back. We just need to break into a LuthorCorp lab that will have all of the materials for us.”

“Hang on,” Clark protested, “I can’t let you break into a LuthorCorp lab.”

Damian sniffed and moved away from Luthor’s unconscious body that was now conveniently positioned to look like he had fallen, “You certainly are not letting us do anything Kent.”

“It’s fine,” Dick reassured Clark, “No one will know we were there. By the way, as soon as you're finished with this, your parents want you back at the farm to finish your chores.”

“Wait, what?” Clark spluttered.

“We landed on your farm and talked to your parents,” Jon chimed in helpfully, “Then I heard Damian threatening someone so we came to see what was going on.”

“This still doesn’t get you out of trouble for running off.” Dick reminded him and Jon wilted at that, then Dick turned to Damian, “You’re in trouble too.”

Damian rolled his eyes, “Please there is nothing you could do to me that would be like the League of Assassins’ punishments.”

“The League of what now?” Clark asked in the background.

Dick ignored him and continued his conversation, “That’s true but I don’t want to match up to the League's punishment. What I’m going to do is tell Alfred and he’ll decide what your punishment will be.”

At this threat, Damian finally stepped back. 

Dick clapped his hands together, “Okay, before we go, Jon and Connor can scan for cameras because rich people are always paranoid. We can’t claim that this was a head induced hallucination if he has a recording.”

“Scan for it?” Clark asked, “How do you do that?”

The two half Kryptonians threw Clark a dirty look. Apparently it was annoying for the only full Kyrptonian in the room to not be aware of the full extent of his powers.

“Found one!” Jon chirped and pointed at it, “and the computers that it is hooked up to are behind that bookcase.”

Dick moved toward the bookcase and found the cabinet where it was hidden pretty quickly and began to mess with the computers.

“God I hate early 2000’s technology.”

“Has he had that the entire time?” Clark asked out loud, clearly still very confused about the whole situation.

“Most likely yes.” Connor grunted.

There was awkward silence as Dick continued to tap away at the computers. There is not much to talk about between a teenage alien who is the doppelganger of the father of the ten-year-old half alien and half the genetic donor of a clone half alien and a ten-year-old assassin.

“Got it!” Dick announced and shut the secret cabinet, “Okay, let’s go.”

“Aren’t you going to explain anything?” Clark protested.

“We explained as much as we could to your parents" Dick informed him, “But we have to go. We want to get Jon home as soon as we can. His mother will kill me if we take too long to get him home.”

Dick and Connor shuddered.

“Lois is terrifying.” Connor agreed.

“Bye!” Jon chirped out as the four black haired boys filed out of the room.

Clark was now alone with Lex’s unconscious body, “What the hell just happened?”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Let me get this straight.” Lex said in the doctor’s office from where he had been examined, “I hit my head on my desk and imagined an angry toddler assassin and an evil clone of you threatening me for hurting animals?”

Clark shrugged, “Hey, you’re the one with the concussion not me.”

Lex’s eyebrows raised in disbelief, “Seriously?”

“Do you honestly believe that a toddler with a sword threatened your life and a teenager that looked exactly like me crushed it like paper?” 

Lex sighed, “No, not really.”

Clark smiled reassuringly, but inwardly he was thanking whatever higher power there was because he really did not want to explain what his parents had told him. He did not even want to think about the fact that he might have a kid with someone named Lois Lane, whoever that was. Or the fact that Lex might betray him and clone him, that was just weird. Or whoever the tiny assassin and his tired older brother could be. For now, Clark was just chalking this whole thing up as a weird thing that happened in Smallville that he never wanted to think about again.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dick was lounging in a chair watching Jon and Damian getting scolded for going out on a mission without telling anyone by both Lois and Alfred. 

“It’s nice when it’s someone else for a change.” Dick said to Connor who was also watching the scene go down.

Connor grunted in affirmation. 

After a few more minutes of watching the ten-year-olds getting lectured he asked, “That was really weird right? Traveling to another dimension?”

Dick shrugged, “For me, not really. That doesn’t even breach the top ten weirdest experiences. For an average person? Definitely.”

Clark nodded, “So what is the weirdest things that've happened to you?”

Dick thought about it for a second, “Off the top of my head, helping Clark deal with Mr. Mxyzptlk. Because he showed us an alternate universe where he accidently gave the Joker the majority of his power. Then the Joker used that power to eat all of China.”

Connor blinked, “I’m sorry, but what the actual fuck?”

“I can’t answer that question. But next time I see Mxyzptlk, I’m leaving Clark to deal with it on his own.”

This at least Connor understood. 

“The next would be the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that we had to deal with a few weeks back.”

Connor closed his eyes and decided he did not want to know, but it did leave him with one final question.

“Why are you like this?!”


End file.
